9 Tips for Mindful Drinking: Start Leading Your Best Life
Many of us turn to alcohol out of habit, because of peer pressure (even the most unconscious of forms), or because we’ve come to associate booze with self-care. If you want to scale back on your drinking and shift your relationship with alcohol, mindful drinking is one of the most powerful tools you can turn to.
Mindful drinking is the approach I’ve used to become more intentional about my own decisions to consume alcohol. In the process, I’ve sharpened my focus, boosted my productivity, unleashed my inner creative self, enjoyed improved sleep, found a more even keel, and deepened my connection with my family and myself. Oh. em. gee.
The Impact of Alcohol and Current Alcohol Consumption Trends
Excessive drinking, we know, is linked to an array of devastating illnesses, from liver and cardiovascular disease to certain cancers and depression. Some studies do show that moderate drinking can be beneficial, but those links are merely correlation, not necessarily causation. (A moderate drinker, for example, may also be more likely to exercise and have healthier habits than someone who is regularly drinking to excess.)
Alcohol in the US and much of the Western world has become a very all-or-nothing culture. You’re either sober and don’t drink at all, or you drink whenever there’s an opportunity to do so. But what about moderation? What about saying “yes” in one instance but declining in another? What about choosing one drink over five?
Mindful drinking offers a sweet spot for those looking to moderate their consumption. And more and more people are looking to drinking less, especially millennials (born between 1981 and 1996). While there are a growing number of sober movements among millennials, sobriety, The Atlantic claims, doesn’t paint a full picture:
What some have been quick to characterize as an interest in being sober might actually be more like a search for moderation in a culture that has long treated alcohol as a dichotomy: Either you drink whenever the opportunity presents itself, or you don’t drink at all. Many Millennials—and especially the urban, college-educated consumers prized by marketers—might just be tired of drinking so much.
Amen.
What Exactly is Mindful Drinking?
When you drink mindfully you stop drinking mindlessly. OK, fabulous, I love when you state the obvious. But what does that mean in practice?
Mindfulness is about becoming fully aware of yourself in the present moment. In meditation, mindfulness is achieved by acknowledging your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This helps you calm your racing mind and travel more deeply into yourself. When it comes to drinking, we stay mindful when we stay aware of the how and the why of drinking.
Ultimately, drinking mindfully means tuning into what your mind and body are telling you, and then assessing if alcohol is really the thing that works for you in that situation. It’s about being intentional with your choices and no longer drinking out of habit or as a result of an expectation or group momentum.
My Mindful-Drinking Story (In Brief)
You can read more about my story here, but I stopped drinking alcohol because I found I was looking forward to it too much as a means of self-care. Alcohol is not self-care. Alcohol doesn’t nurture. Yes, it may help you relax, but that feeling is transient and often comes at a cost.
I'm a busy working mom, and to me, self-care doesn’t look like shitty sleep, unbearably grumpy mornings, a lack of productivity, and growing impatience and irritability. Rather, taking care of myself means staying focused on those things that give me authentic joy, help me unwind without a catch, and foster connection with myself, my family, and my friends.
It depends on the person and their consumption habits, but mindful drinking is not always an easy thing to achieve. I do, however, think it’s a more sustainable approach than some of the alternatives. That’s because mindful drinking isn’t rigid or punitory; it’s also focused on personal accountability and growth, which I think helps promote confidence and a strengthening of willpower. Once you get into a groove, mindful drinking will open up new doors for you in your emotional, interpersonal, and work lives, and more.
Below, I’ve developed a list of 9 tips that I’ve used to start mindful drinking and to stay a mindful drinker.
9 Tips for Mindful Drinking: A Guide to Shifting Your Relationship with Booze
1. Ask Yourself Why
When you find yourself in a situation where you could drink and think you might want to — maybe you’ve just put your child to bed, you’re at a work party, or you’re out to brunch with friends — take a moment to check in with yourself. How are you feeling, emotionally?
Are you sad, stressed, angry, lonely, exhausted, bored? Are you energized, excited, happy, calm? Is your desire to drink tied to one of those emotions? Do you want to drink because you’re super overwhelmed and need to relax? Or are you feeling happy and want to drink because drinking makes you feel good (at least the buzz does) and you want to celebrate and amplify that emotion?
Interrogate those feelings so that you can form a clearer picture of whether or not drinking really serves you. Drinking is never going to be a neutral experience — it’s always going to be kickstarted by a desire or a mood or a craving rather than some lower-order, physiological need (though it may not feel that way!). But if you can start to understand what triggers your urge to drink, you can begin to shift your relationship with alcohol so that it becomes less of a go-to.
Already in the midst of drinking and not sure if you’re enjoying it? Remember those thoughts for next time.
Already drinking and feeling alright about doing so? Great! Remember those thoughts, too. This is how the experience of drinking “best” suits you.
2. Use All of Your Senses
When you do decide to drink, engage all of your senses. Try to appreciate the drink as an experience. Tossing it back quickly is likely to leave you unstatisfied and wanting more. Speed often begets speed, so drinking fast might also create momentum to drink more.
So savor your drink. What is the first flavor that you taste when it hits your lips, then palette? How does that flavor transform on your second and third sips? If you’re eating, how does food interact with the different notes you’ve identified? Is the drink warming? How does your mouth, throat, and chest feel after you swallow? What do the flavors, sensations, and overall experience remind you of?
OK, you’re not going to be able to ask yourself all of these questions. You’re probably not sitting alone at a table with nothing in front of you except a sommelier’s notepad. No, you’re probably watching a movie, chatting with a partner, or yelling at a friend over too-loud music. The point is, enjoy your drink. Appreciate it. Don’t make it precious. It’s not. But make it into the most enjoyable and multidimensional experience as you can. This will hopefully leave you feeling satisfied and not gunning for a refill.
3. Reach for a Nonalcoholic Alternative
I used to roll my at mocktails. I mean, who has time for sorry, excessively sugary substitutes.
That all changed when I was in Paris a couple of years back. I thought I might be pregnant (I wasn’t) and didn’t feel comfortable imbibing on the off chance that I was. This was sad, because when in Paris, you drink wine (another misconception I had). One day, when I was scanning the lunch menu at a bistro on Rue Cler, I noticed a subsection on the drinks page that listed 4 or 5 elegant-sounding nonalcoholic beverages.
I ordered a citrusy effervescent concoction that left my socks rolling up and down (just kidding, it was July, I didn't have socks on). Made with lemon juice, orange bitters, a dash of sugar, and tonic water, the delicious mocktail was served in a champagne flute and hit the right balance between bitter and sweet. So yes, mocktails can most certainly be sophisticated. Or if a sugary umbrella drink is your jam, more power to you.
Keep it fun. If you’re at the bar, ask the bartender to work their magic for you. Most will be happy to get creative.
Beyond mocktails, there is a vast array of nonalcoholic wines, beers, and spirits. If you’re worried about lookalike drinks triggering you, then please do stay away from them. Everybody is different. For me, drinking a mocktail doesn’t tempt me into ordering the real thing for the next round.
Non-Lookalike Alternatives
There is also a whole world of beverages that don’t necessarily pretend to be boozy. Spritzers made from juice and sparkling water are refreshing, as is plain old soda water or tonic water (ever heard of a T&T, or Tonic and Tonic?), especially when garnished with a bit of lemon, lime, or mint. Kombucha is also a good option, although be careful if you’re sensitive to caffeine as Kombucha is often made from black or green tea.
When I’m at home at night, I tend to favor herbal teas, hot chocolate, or turmeric lattes. If I want something cold, I reach for sparkling water, a spritzer, or those SanPellegrino juices, which don't have as much sugar as actual juice or soda.
4. Make Time for Self-Care
Alcohol and self-care have become increasingly conflated in recent years. Take this truly tone-deaf ad by Tropicana, which encouraged overextended parents to manage holiday stress by hiding alcohol from their families and boozing in secret. In an AdAge article, the company’s VP and CMO is quoted as saying “We can’t be our best for our families unless we as parents take time for ourselves. Tropicana recognizes that it’s important to balance self-care with caring for others, especially in times like these.” Face. Palm. Thankfully, the #TakeAMimoment campaign has since been taken down and Tropicana has issued an apology.
True self-care encompasses those activities that promote our emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. Consistently turning to alcohol to help you cope with the stresses of life is not self-care. That’s because alcohol comes with strings attached.
Authentic Self-Care
Instead, authentic self-care can include resting, reading, writing or journaling, exercising, taking walks, drawing, painting, cooking, gardening, puzzles, listening to music, playing music, being or talking with friends and family, getting a massage, taking a bath, meditating, travel, the list goes on and on.
Do what brings you happiness if you feel blue, even if at first it feels like a chore or just “another thing” to do. (*Of course, if you’re really struggling, please speak to your physician or a mental-health counselor. There are people out there who can help you.)
I’ve noticed that some websites out there encourage you to try to “distract” yourself from your desire to drink. On the contrary, I would argue that distractions ultimately backfire. The whole point of mindfulness is to tune in and develop awareness. When we distract we repress or don’t deal with the things we’re feeling or experiencing. You can only overcome the craving, however, by understanding the root of the craving.
5. Make a Plan
If you know you’re going to be in a situation where there’s going to be booze, decide ahead of time how you might like to play it.
Maybe you’re going to a wedding that evening and think you might like to drink. Devise and commit to a plan beforehand. For example, you could say to yourself: “I’ll have a glass of champagne at the toast and then a glass of wine with dinner.” Verbalize it out loud. This will make your plan less of an abstract goal and more of a concrete path. This is not to say that you have to drink those two drinks. Maybe you discover that, actually, you don’t one or either of those drinks when you actually get to the event. Also, if you feel comfortable, try calling ahead to see what nonalcoholic options the venue will offer. The more you know, the more you’ll feel prepared and confident.
6. Stay the Course
You’ll feel so empowered when you follow through on your commitments to yourself, and that feedback cycle will only grow stronger. Keep the following mantra in mind: “My choice is not to drink. This is the choice that will make me feel my best.”
Helpful Responses
Also remember that only you know what’s best for you. Don’t let others try to sway you one way or the other. If someone asks you if you’d like a drink, keep your response brief. A quick and smooth deflection is more powerful than going into detail. A simple “No, thanks,” or “Thanks, I’m all set right now” should suffice.
If someone is really giving you a hard time, try something like “I’m trying not to drink right now because I’m not sleeping well and want to feel better. I hope you can respect that” or “ Drinking was making me feel less than stellar, so I wanted to stop for a while. I hope you can respect that.”
Sometimes people pressure others to drink because they don’t want to drink alone, they feel bad about their own drinking, or your choice not to drink is jarring — it doesn’t square with their socio-cultural expectation of the situation. Deliver your response in a non-judgemental way and make it about what you need at that particular point in time; that will shift the emphasis away from the person who’s pressuring you and make your response less of a reflection of their behaviors.
Order First
One powerful suggestion is to order first. When your waitress comes by your table, try to be the first person to place your drink order. More and more people are choosing to drink less or not to drink at all, so your conspicuous ordering of a nonalcoholic drink could help set the stage and empower others to skip the chard themselves.
7. Keep Your Future Self in Mind
While mindfulness is first and foremost concerned with an awareness of the present moment, it’s also important to keep tabs on the larger reason you’re drinking mindfully: to feel better. If you’re out with friends and make moves to head to the bar for an alcoholic drink, ask yourself how you’ll feel tomorrow if you do. Then ask yourself how you’ll feel if you don’t.
8. Be Gentle With Yourself
If you slip up, please don’t beat yourself up. We’re all only human — at times, we’re messy and emotional and can act in ways that are counterintuitive. But we also have an immense capacity to learn. So learn from your mistakes, relish that new wisdom, and move on. Ultimately, make sure you focus on progress, not perfection
9. Keep a Mindful-Drinking Journal
A mindful-drinking journal will help you keep an eye on your progress. Perhaps this is the place to write down your plan before you attend an event with booze. Then, follow up later with what happened, what you drank (or didn’t), and how you felt.
Write down (either in the moment or later) those moments when you want alcohol and what you imagine the root of that desire to be. Also record instances of when you drank and how you felt before, during, and after.
It could be useful to keep track of the amount you drink (units and times per week). But if you’re just beginning your journey and feeling overwhelming or defeated before you even start, just begin by noting your needs and emotional states when you drink or want to drink. From there, you can start drawing connections and identifying triggers.
You've got this.
