3* Simple Tricks to Help Your Hyper Toddler Fall Asleep
*Please note that I've recently updated this post to include a THIRD TRICK that has helped us immensely at bedtime. Read on to learn more!
Bedtime has become the ultimate battle. Your older toddler or preschooler gets SO hyper before bed that he is practically (maybe literally) flying off the walls.
You make sure to stick to a calming routine every night: a warm, relaxing bath, followed by books, hugs, and kisses. But as soon as you flick off the lights, your child becomes possessed by some otherworldly force and won’t settle down. Or maybe he was already a little worked up during his bedtime routine and lights-out is just the icing on the cake that sends him to next-level crazy.
So you stay with him while he rolls around, thrashes about, sings loudly, attempts to escape, and everything in between. All of this takes place in the dark. An hour or two later, he finally falls asleep. And now it’s your bedtime, too. Everyone loses: less sleep for your little one, less solo recharge-time for you. You’re exhausted and this close to losing it.
The Bedtime Scaries (Mom Edition)
Is this you? Because if it is, I hear you loud and clear. It was me, too. I endured this with my son for months and began to loathe bedtime with a passion. I would start to fill with dread ten times more potent than the Sunday Scaries in the 30 minutes leading up to bedtime kickoff. Some nights I had infinite patience with my son; other nights I cracked, resorting to yelling and threats. Not pretty.
But then I discovered three strategies that, when used in conjunction, changed the game entirely. I still have to sit or lie next to him, but my son now falls asleep within 10 minutes of lights out — a huge win.
First, Assess Your Child's Sleep Schedule
Not tired enough? If your child is hyper at night, it may be because he's just not tired. If your little one is still napping, then a bedtime much before 8 pm is likely too early.
And on that note, if your child is still napping, what time is he waking up? Remember that young children typically need at least 5 hours to build up enough sleep pressure before they're able to fall back asleep again. Try to get him up from his nap by 2:30 or 3 p.m. at the latest.
Overtired? Paradoxically, children can also become hyper when they're overtired. In an effort to stay awake in the face of exhaustion, our bodies get to work producing cortisol (the stress hormone) and adrenaline. This, in turn, can often lead to hyperactivity.
If this is the case, you could move you child's bedtime up, especially if they've recently dropped their nap.
Three Tricks that Helped My Active Son Settle Quickly at Bedtime
Even after we worked out all the kinks related to his wake windows and the age-appropriate number of hours of sleep he was getting within a 24-hour period, my son was still pretty active at bedtime. Running. Crying. Laughing. Verbal diarrhea. Legs up the walls. Rolling around. Singing. The whole shebang.
One night, the ish hit the fan. My husband always takes the first (though brief) shift, during which he lies with our son for a minute or two before he starts asking for mama. That night, our son was especially riled up and went totally berserk, slamming my husband in the nose — accidentally, yes, but hard.
When I went in to take over, I realized I had to do something different. I couldn’t keep trying to physically restrain him there in the dark, holding him in my arms for hours to keep him lying down. I couldn’t keep yelling, demanding that he stay horizontal and go to bed. It wasn’t working. It wasn't effective. It was probably even chipping away at our bond. 2-year-olds are not rational beings.
I decided to get down to business and take a close, hard look at what we were doing and what needed to change. After trial and error, I finally landed on the secret sauce of helping my wild child drift off to sleep.
And with that, I give you my three-pronged approach:
1. Setting the Stage: Wind-Down Time + Choices (Lights On)
Bedtime is hard for a lot of children because transitions are hard. And bedtime is one of the biggest transitions of the day (you're literally going from day to night, from awake to asleep). So, shortly before it's time to start our bedtime routine, I'll announce:
OK, it's Wind-Down Time. In 15 (or 10) minutes, we're going to start bedtime.
Then I'll make additional announcements at the 5-minute and 1-minute marks. This helps prepare him for what's to come.
But announcements alone are not enough to help you avoid those power struggles that rather inconveniently enter stage left left before bedtime. And power struggles, unfortunately, very often further rile up your already very active child.
If your children are anything like my son, they want to keep playing, not go to bed. And they're going to make that very clear to you, either via words, actions, or both.
Toddlers are power-seekers. They love power and want to be in control, call the shots, and do everything on their terms. So to soften the bedtime power struggle, offer your child a small choice. This will satisfy his desire to feel powerful and in control.
Let him choose what quiet activity he wants to do. This could include coloring (keep it simple with crayons or markers, no need to break out messy things like paint) or playing with blocks, stuffed animals, dolls, or cars.
By offering him a choice, you're opening up the door to more cooperation and less resistance.
From there, go move into your relaxing bed-time routine. For us, it's bath, teeth, books, bed.
Continue offering small choices during the routine (provide options so that not everything is fair game): What PJs do you want to wear? The stars or cars? Which book would you like to read? Which song should we sing?
2. Daily Doings (Lights Off)
The second part of my three-pronged approach is called Daily Doings. It goes something like this:
At the end of our bedtime routine, I tell him: It's time to go to sleep now. I'm going to turn off the light.
Then I turn off the light, as promised.
Hey, hey, guess what? I'll then say softly but excitedly, as if I am about to share a secret with him. I want you to tell me something.
He starts to quiet down if he's still talking or protesting, clearly intrigued, and will let me gently lay him back in bed.
I want you to tell me about your day today. What did we do? I'll ask.
Silence.
Did we go to the farm? What animals did we see?
Having a specific line of questioning about our day usually unleashes an epic monologue. He'll walk me through our trip to the farm, albeit in the non-linear and at times half-accurate way toddlers tend to do. He'll then start bouncing around to other moments in the day, connecting them to other things he’s previously done or to people he knows.
This — what we call our nightly Daily Doings — is the outlet he needs to channel his energy in a calm, controlled, and focused way. It allows him to process all of the stimuli he'd absorbed throughout the day as opposed to becoming overwhelmed by it and detonating.
When he pauses, I double down to maintain control, lest the crazy wash all over him again. I'll quickly take over where he left off, resuming the narrative to keep us on the “calm track.” I bring us back to the animals we’d seen at the farm, quietly describing what they looked like, what they were doing when we visited, who’d eaten what, who’d pooped where, etc.
If your child is acting super hyper or animated, stay the course. Be persistent in terms of trying different topics so that you find one that captures your child's attention. I've found that asking leading questions — like, Did you fall down and bump your knee at the playground today? — to be especially effective in getting my child to focus, stay still, and recount events and interactions from the day.
The Daily Doings reminds me a bit of Guided Meditation, with mama as the guide.
My son remains calm and usually stays that way. The first time this happened, I couldn’t believe it.
Topics of conversation to try (depending on what's relevant):
- Your child's nursery friends
- What you saw on the walk/drive home
- What she ate for breakfast, lunch, or dinner
- What grocery store aisles you walked down
- What you bought at the store
- What the weather was like that day
- Where you went and what you did there (e.g., the museum, zoo, park, library, etc.)
- What their stuffed animal is thinking or what she did today
- What's inside their chest, belly, head, arms, etc.
- What's happening tomorrow (e.g., are we going to Auntie J's pool?).
Though this tactic alone is not always failsafe, in general, it has been the MOST effective means of winding him down on any given night. After the first few night of doing this, I began to wonder if there was something I could couple it with that would take it to the next level.
Enter, the weighted blanket.
3. Weighted Blanket Magic
This ended up being the clincher. Our Daily Doings was the initial step that helped him focus his energies and keep him calm and horizontal. The weighted blanket amplified this sense of calm, expediting his sleep so that he soon started to drift off within 10 or 15 minutes instead of 1 to 2 hours.
He also stopped waking up in the middle of the night and starting sleeping until at least 6 am.
You’ve probably heard of weighted blankets before. They're everywhere these days. For many children, they alone might work. But for a hyperactive child, you may need the Daily Doings step to help prime them to accept the weighted blanket. If I’d started with the weighted blanket, I’m sure my son would’ve promptly bulldozed it with his Incredible Hulk strength.
The Science of Weighted Blankets
In addition to overstimulation, deep pressure can alleviate anxiety, restlessness, night terrors, and night wakings. According to Penn Medicine, “pressure calms you by activating your parasympathetic nervous system, which lowers your heart rate when you’re stressed. A lower heart rate leads to the overall feeling of calmness that the blanket provides.”
Weighted blankets harness the science of deep pressure, but, from a clinical point of view, their benefits have yet to be fully confirmed. That said, the anecdotal evidence is pretty dang compelling. Occupational therapists have been using weighted blankets for decades in a therapeutic sense for “sensory-processing disorder, autism spectrum disorder, sleep problems, and issues of self-regulation.”
Just think about how deep pressure has worked in your own life. A Massage to relax. A swaddle to soothe your crying baby. A bear hug for a friend who’s worked herself into a tizzy. We’re wired to perceive, it seems, a certain degree of pressure as soothing.
My Favorite Weighted Blanket: Harkla Weighted Blanket for Kids
After a ton of research, I decided to go for the Harkla Weighted Blanket for Kids. It's been touted by both Healthline and New York Mag's The Strategist, among other sources, as being one of the best on the market. But, more importantly, it's a truly quality product.
Winning points:
- The "minky" fabric is super soft
- It's filled with odor-free, hypoallergenic glass beads
- The weight is evenly distributed and stays that way
- It's easy to wash and dry at home
- It comes in 4 weights (5, 7, 10, & 15 pounds) so you can choose one that best accommodates your child
On this last point, make sure you order a blanket that is 10% of your child's body weight. I ordered my son the 5-lb blanket!
Runner Up: California Den Design for kids
I also really like this gorgeous weighted blanket for kids by for its efficacy and aesthetic (there's one weight: 8 pounds). The California Den Design weighted blanket features:
- 100% cotton
- no fillers
- highly breathable (great for kiddos who run hot!)
- even weight
- hand-woven in India by female artisans
Take a look at this beauty:
A Note on ADHD and Autism
Evidence suggests that the deep pressure offered by weighted blankets is effective for those with ADHD or autism. Children with ADHD typically have trouble focusing because they get easily distracted. Weighted blankets (or vests) activate the sense of touch, thereby allowing the child to become less distracted by other stimuli in their environments. Those with autism may feel similarly overwhelmed by stimuli in their environments. They may also experience stress and anxiety in social situations; weighted blankets can make them feel more relaxed and allow them to partake in these interactions.
To Sum Up: How to Help Your Hyper Toddler Fall Asleep at Bedtime...
Part One: Wind-Down Time + Choices. This part is crucial for setting the stage. Wind-Down Time — i.e., quiet play-time — signals to your child this it's time to calm her body down. Start it 10 to 15 minutes before you being your formal bedtime routine. Periodically announce to your child how many minutes are left until you start bedtime so that they can mentally prepare.
During the period, offer your child small choices. This will help mitigate the power struggle over bedtime by giving your child a sense of control. Provide options, but let them decide what to do during quiet play time, which pajamas to wear, which book to read, which toys to bring into the bath, etc. Giving them a degree of control will lead to more cooperation, especially when they are feeling super duper active.
Part Two: Daily Doings. With the lights out and your child in bed, ask her what she did that day. Try to get specific with your questions so that they have an easier time making contact with the specifics of their day. Make sure to lead them if they start to lose their train of thought or get stuck. Going through their day like this will help them process what they saw and learned while also giving their energy a channel to course through.
As I mentioned earlier, if your child is acting really hyper, you may need to cycle through a handful of different topics and questions before you land on one that captures your child's attention. Do not give up! Make sure to also ask leading questions (are we going to grandma's house tomorrow?). Once you hit the nail on the head, (calming) magic happens.
Part Three: Weighted Blanket. Make sure it's no more than 10% of her body weight. If possible, try to prioritize those that have been endorsed by occupational therapists or psychologists and that are made using hypoallergenic, organic, Oeko-tex, and/or non-toxic materials.
Final Thoughts...
My kid’s a spirited child, and one with a lot of energy regardless of the circumstances. So even though he’s no longer overtired, I’m not going to give up our Daily Doings + the Weighted Blanket any time soon. They helped get his sleeping back on track, but I also think they just help him period. They work with his temperament.
You may also like:
5 Strategies for When Your Child Won't Stay in Bed
A Game-Changing Way to Handle Your Toddler's Tantrum
10 Things That Are NOT Your Job As a Parent
