The Babywise Method: The Controversy You Need to Know
It’s hard to have a child and not hear about the Babywise method at some point. Babywise is an uber popular approach to parenting developed almost 30 years ago, in 1993, by Gary Ezzo and pediatrician Robert Bucknam. In fact, I’d venture to say that Babywise has a near-cult following. But there’s also been big-time controversy surrounding Babywise since nearly day one.
Before you decide to follow Babywise, or any parenting guide for that matter, make sure you research the heck out of it. Don’t just ask your friends and family. Ask your pediatrician. Do a deep dive into its history and what it's all about. Read the books and think critically about the approach and why it might be right for you and your baby.
Is the Babywise Method Right For You?
I came to the decision that Babywise was not for us. And while I am not a medical practitioner or a "parenting expert," I would never recommend that any of my friends who are parents-to-be check out Babywise. Yes, this opinion will horrify a ton of Babywise devotees. But I also know of a lot of mothers, fathers, and caregivers who feel the same way.
Please know that I am not a Babywise hater — not in the least. It just doesn’t work for my family and I have certain misgivings about it as a result.
And that’s why I wanted to write this post. To share my view that it’s OK if Babywise, or any other approach, doesn’t work for you. I felt it especially important to say this about Babywise because so many people refer to it as their Holy Grail. That’s great! But if it doesn't work for you, don't try to force it. Remeber, one size does not fit all.
What is the Babywise Method?
The fundamentals of the Babywise method are straightforward.
Babywise’s main focus is on the Feed, Wake, Sleep (FWS) cycle, which argues that babies should feed as soon as they wake up. They should then spend a certain length of time awake (based on age) and then go back to sleep. This series of events should be done at regular intervals throughout the day and, when the baby is super little, during the night.
A significant portion of the book is devoted to the timing and scheduling of the Feed, Wake, Sleep cycle. These windows change, sometimes dramatically, as your baby gets older.
Babywise promotes a feeding approach known as Parent Directed Feeding (PDF). Parent Directed Feeding is essentially the hyper-scheduling of feeding times by, you guessed it, the parent. Feeding should therefore be done on a fixed schedule according to the PDF concept. While feeding times are determined by the clock, newer editions of Babywise instruct parents to pay attention to baby’s hunger cues and feed them when they're hungry.
This later point is hugely important, and one that it is at the heart of the Babywise controversy.
Babywise also covers other topics, such as playtime, crying, and even the health of the parents’ marriage.
What Is the Babywise Controversy?
The Babywise Controversy is rooted in two pillar issues:
Babywise Controversy # 1: Religion over Science?
Yes, Babywise is fundamentally rooted in religion, specifically, in Christianity. Gary Ezzo had been active in ministry for years before writing Babywise. In fact, in 1984, he and his wife started teaching classes on parenting at Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California—an evangelical megachurch with ten thousand members.
I am certainly not against people who hold religious views. And the fact that Babywise is rooted in Christianity does not make it a bad thing by any means.
But when you write a parenting guide titled Preparation for Parenting: Bringing God's Order to Your Baby's Day and Restful Sleep to Your Baby's Night—the precursor to Babywise—people start to feel a bit squeamish. This guide, like a lot of Ezzo’s earlier “research,” is not peer reviewed nor the result of rigorous, controlled scientific study. The “Lord’s will” (filtered through you) is not going to cut it for me.
The guide, for example, justified leaving babies to cry by themselves by comparing that choice to the crucifixion of Jesus: "Praise God that the Father did not intervene when His Son cried out on the cross.”
I’m just going to leave it there.
In any case, even though Babywise, authored with Dr. Bucknam, is a “secularized” version of its earlier iteration, it is nevertheless fundamentally rooted in this precursor.
Babywise Controversy # 2: Is Baby Getting Enough Nutrition?
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) issued a warning against the Babywise method, saying that its recommendations might lead to a host of medical issues, including dehydration, undernourishment, poor weight gain, sluggish growth, delayed development, premature weaning, and lowered milk supply in mothers. [source]
Beyond the AAP, other expert critics have also said that Babywise provides potentially dangerous and inaccurate advice on the growth, eating, sleep, and development of babies.
Among them is the prominent doctor William Sears, pediatrician and clinical assistant professor of pediatrics at USC’s Keck School of Medicine. An advocate of attachment parenting, Dr. Sears stated in 1988 that he had wished he had spoken up sooner about Babywise, saying, it was "probably the most dangerous program of teaching about babies and children that I have seen in my 25 years of being a pediatrician.” [source]
Another prominent skeptic, Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children's Hospital Boston, cautions that the sleep advice in Babywise cannot solve all of a parent’s “problems” when it comes to baby sleep. The Babywise method instructs that 8-week-old infants should sleep for 7 to 8 hours straight each night, while 13-week-olds should get up to 11 hours of sleep each night. This seems like a stretch to me, and Ferber agrees. Ferber also notes, Salon reports, that “any ill-informed child-care advice that suggests that very young infants should be sleeping through the night has the potential to leave new parents frustrated as they wonder what's ‘wrong’ with their own baby.”
Based on my reading and research, newer editions of Babywise have been updated to stress that, while the feeding scheduling is the backbone of the program, parents should never let a baby go hungry.
Phew.
Yes, Babywise does advocate for feeding on demand when babies need it, which is tremendously reassuring.
I think the controversy still exists, however, despite this change, because the original criticisms were so scary and high-profile. That’s not something that will go away any time soon.
Babywise Method: The Bottom Line
To me, the Babywise method was not the right fit.
It wasn’t a case of the risks outweighing the benefits. That’s because, with the newer editions, the former risks associated with the earlier editions of Babywise — dehydration and malnourishment, etc. — are no longer a threat.
Rather, Babywise didn’t fit well with me because the program still struck me as too rigid and regimented.
Don’t get me wrong! Structure and schedules can be very positive things for both caregiver and baby. But when we get TOO locked in, we leave no room to accommodate new or growing needs, spontaneity, fun, etc. We also risk increasing stress and creating an environment in which we aren’t able to allow ourselves any grace whatsoever.
So will some people thrive on the structured program of Babywise (which is amaaaazing), for me, I felt like I was trying to “tame” something rather than rejoice in the joy and messiness of it all.
What did I like and would I recommend? Dr Harvey Karp’s The Happiest Baby on the Block.
Related Read: Check out my 5 strategies to help your toddler say in bed