5 Strategies for When Your Toddler Won't Stay in Bed

Is your child an escape artist who’s not a huge fan of staying in their bed, let alone their room, after you’ve said goodnight and closed the door? Join the club. My toddler won't stay in bed, either. Until recently that is.

It’s so frustrating when your toddler won't stay in bed and bring all sorts of feelings to the fore (for both you and them). 

Bedtime is sacred. You want your child to get their age-based recommended hours of nighttime sleep so they can wake up feeling happy and well-rested. And you need some time to yourself to unwind and relax, maybe read or watch a show, before going to bed yourself.

First, take a deep breath. 

Before I dive into some solutions, ask yourself two bigger-picture questions: 

(a) Is my child actually tired at bedtime?

A child who’s not tired is not going to sleep. Fact. 

Children change. All the time. That 7 pm bedtime that used to work beautifully may be a thing of the past.Try pushing it back 15 minutes until you find that sweet spot.

If your child is still napping, try limiting the nap to an hour, even 45 minutes. Play round to see what’s right for them. Or maybe their nap is ending too close to bedtime. Depending on how old they are, you’ll want at least 5 to 7 hours to pass between the end of nap and bedtime so that your bubs can build up enough sleep pressure. 

Not being tired is an obvious reason why some toddlers won't stay in bed. But what about toddlers who are overtired? Read on.

(b) Is my child overtired?

On the other side of the spectrum is the child who is overtired. Some overtired children become paradoxically hyper when they pass the point of exhaustion thanks to a flooding of stress hormones. If so, they may need to go to bed earlier or you may need to lengthen or reinstate their nap.

Read my post on helping a hyper child settle at bedtime.

If you’ve established that, yes, my child is tired at bedtime and, no, my child is not overtired, feel free to move on.

One last thing: it’s probably safe for me to assume that you already have a relaxing bedtime routine in place. Standard fare here includes a bath, teeth-brushing, reading, giving thanks/gratitude/etc., snuggling, calm singing, etc. Whatever works for you and your child.

OK, now onto my 5 TIPS and strategies for when you have a toddler who won't stay in bed.

1. Lay the groundwork… and expect crying and protesting

No, this is not about shutting them in their room and letting them “cry it out.” This is about expecting – and letting – them be upset about what’s happening. They wants you to stay with them. We can’t change that. And it's OK for them to express that disappointment.

To paraphrase child specialist Magda Gerber, Let feelings be. 

When your child protests, acknowledge their feelings and offer your reassurance:

Yes, I understand that you really want me to stay with you. I’m not going to do that, my love. It’s sleep time for you. I know you can sleep, and you’re safe here in your room. I will always come if you need me.

By saying something along these lines, you’re offering them a loving but firm boundary. You’re saying, I see you, I see you’re upset, and I love you, but it’s important that you get some rest. 

OK, great, you say. But how does this keep them in her bed?! Well, it doesn’t. At least not right away. Instead, it builds trust between you and your child and lays important groundwork for future bedtimes without protest. 

2. Go for "One Hundred Walks" When Your Toddler Won't Stay in Bed

Ah, the good old “One Hundred Walks” nugget. Have you heard of this one before?

If not, here’s how it works:

After your bedtime routine, kiss or hug your child goodnight, then turn off the light and say something like: It’s time for sleep. I love you and will see you in the morning. (If she protests, use the earlier suggested statement: Yes, I understand that you really want me to stay…)

Close the door and leave.

When she emerges from her room, .001 seconds later, take her hand and walk her back to her bedroom (or, if you have to, carry her). Lay her down, say a very brief goodnight, it’s time to go to sleep, and leave.

Repeat this until she falls asleep

Yes, it may take 100 tries. But each day, the number of walks should lessen until, finally, she just stays put.

Be prepared and HOLD FIRM. As with all things child-related, consistency is key.

3. Offer regular check-ins

If your child is able to stay in their bed for a few minutes before exiting the bedroom, try offering them regular check-ins.

Goodnight, sweetie. It’s time to go to sleep and rest so you can have energy for tomorrow. I’m going to go back to the living room, but I’ll be back in 5 (or 2, 10, 15, etc.) minutes to check on you.

For this to be effective, you’ll need to follow through on your promise. Trust is the basis of success.

This shows your child that you are confident they can stay in their bed. In so doing, it offers them that little boost of reassurance and confidence they might need.

For me, this was critical to getting my toddler to stay in bed.

4. Transform their bed into a secure, cozy nest

We all know how children can really thrive when they feel safe and secure. With this in mind, take a good hard look at their bedroom and, specifically, their bed.

One of the reasons children have trouble transitioning from bed to crib is because they don’t feel secure. The crib is enclosed and makes them feel safe and contained. The bed, on the other hand, is the Wild West. It’s wide open and allows them the freedom to roam, but it’s also exposed.

Try nurturing their sense of security by transforming their bed into a cozy nest. 

• Add fun pillows and stuffed animals, cozy bumpers, or a bed rail or guard. 
• Get a pop up tent to create the perfect “dream bubble” or a plush tee-pee-style canopy.
• Some parents have even put up a play yard around their child’s bed to help cultivate that sense of safety and enclosure. Feel free to leave the gate open, though!
• A softly glowing night light can create a warm, inviting space that gives children who might be afraid of the dark extra reassurance.

Last but not least, if your child wakes up in the middle of the night, don't underestimate the power of tucking them in. Tight. (Within reason, naturally!) I was amazed by how tucking my son in securely at night helped him sleep through the night. Prior to doing so, he was waking up around midnight most nights and calling out my name. The feeling of being tucked in is the big-kid equivalent of a swaddle, and helps create that cosy-nest feeling we're going for.

5. Get an OK-to-wake clock

An OK-to-wake clock is designed to help your child stay in their room (and ideally sleep!) until a certain time in the morning. 

But OK-to-wake clocks also have the added benefit of promoting overall healthy sleep hygiene (I kinda loathe that term, but that’s what the experts are using). This is because, before your child even falls asleep, they signal to your bubba that it’s time to sleep.

There are two different OK-to-wake clocks that I love and recommend when a toddler won't stay in bed:

(1) The Hatch: This little gem is fully customizable, and controlled via your phone. You can set the light to a soft pink, for example, at bedtime to signal that it’s time to go to sleep. You can program the Hatch to transform into a soft white nightlight before changing the color yet again (to green, yellow, etc.) at a later hour to signal that it’s time to get up. 

In addition to being an OK to wake clock and a night light, the Hatch is also a sound machine. 

Dimness and sound can all be adjusted.

And unlike its competitors, the Hatch is minimalist-approved and just gorgeous.

(2) The Ooly. The Ooly is shaped like an adorable, sleepy owl and, like the Hatch, is also controlled via your phone.

Ooly starts out as red at bedtime and then, through the evening slowly transition through orange and yellow before finally turning green. 

Over time, your child will start to associate RED and BED.

This is a powerful signal that helps your child get themselves ready for what’s to come: sleep. 

Interestingly, Harvard Medical School recommends the following: 

“Use dim red lights for night lights. Red light has the least power to shift circadian rhythm and suppress melatonin.”

We all know about that drama about blue lights and their ability to keep us up at night. So do yourself, and your little one a favor, and opt for shorter red wavelengths. 

In Sum:

Getting a toddler to stay in bed is not easy. Stay calm, stay confident, stay consistent, mama! Lovingly hold your boundaries and your toddler will start to stay in their bed.

If you have an especially hyper child at bedtime, check out my post on managing hyperactivity at bedtime.

You’ve got this.