Toddler Bedtime Battles: When Your Toddler Refuses to Get Ready for Bed

Have the toddler bedtime battles struck? Got a case of the Bedtime (or Naptime) Blues? If you’re like me, you probably had no idea how much brain power and emotional bandwidth your baby’s / toddler’s / child’s sleep (or lack thereof) would take up. 

I’ve previously written about 3 strategies to help your hyper toddler fall asleep as well as 5 ways to keep your toddler in bed.

Today, I’m going to offer you a brilliant way to help a toddler who flat out REFUSES to get ready for or go to bed. This one has saved me, and many a parent, a lot of heartache and frustration — I’m sure it’ll help you, too. 

Why Do Toddlers and Young Children Struggle at Bedtime?

Little kids struggle at bedtime for a vast range of reasons. Two of the biggest and perhaps most common reasons behind toddler bedtime battles, however, are:

1.) Transitions for children are difficult

I’m sure you’ve seen this in all areas of your child’s life. Going from one activity to another, such as switching from playing at the playground to leaving for home, or doing puzzles at home to getting dressed for daycare, requires a huge amount of effort and energy, mentally and physically, from children. 

Their worlds and how they inhabit them are different than arounds. Their concept of time as well as past present and future don’t necessarily align with ours. Their brains are still developing. And we have to remember and be empathetic to that.

2.) Young children crave power 

Why do children love power so much? Because they don’t have any. And we often want what we can’t have.

Power also allows them to feel in control. The world is a big, somewhat arbitrary and sometimes confusing place for them (I mean, it often still feels that way for me, too!). Control gives them a sense of comfort and security. This is another reason why kiddos really thrive when they have a predictable routine.

Bedtime Solution: Help Your Child Transition + Offer Power

So, let's go back to the part where your toddler is refusing to get ready for bed or is refusing to just plain go to bed. How can we help them? The answer is by easing the transition and by offering them a degree of control.

One of my favorite tips is “Tuck-In Time.”

"Tuck-In Time" for Toddler Bedtime Battles Explained

The pre-bedtime activity of Tuck-In Time is really quite simple. But I just love breaking things down into steps, so here ya go:

1.) Step one: choose a toy

Before getting ready for bed, before even going upstairs (should you have an upstairs) to the bathroom or to their bedroom, suggest (don’t ask — remember they are the one in power here) that they tuck in one of their toys.

2.) Step two: chose a blanket

Offer them a small kitchen towel, a napkin, a paper towel, a wash cloth, a blanket, etc., that they can use to “tuck in” their chosen toy on the carpet, sofa, chair, table, wherever they choose.

3.) Step three: say goodnight

Model saying “night-night, I love you” to the toy, and waving goodbye. Your child will likely say or do something similar. Maybe they’ll even beat you to the punch!

4.) Step four: off we go!

Then complete the transition by venturing upstairs to get ready for bed.

How Does "Tuck-In Time" Stave off Bedtime Battles?

Tuck-In Time has become a huge hit with my son, who will be 4 in a few months. It should work for kids as young as 1.5 or thereabouts and as old as 5 or 6. So, why does it work so well?

First, it’s great because it can become a ritual. Remember earlier when I said that kids thrive on routines? If this becomes part of your routine, it sends a signal to your child that reinforces: hey, it’s bedtime. It’s time to rest. We’re about to go get ready for bed. 

Even if it doesn’t become part of your routine, it can still be super helpful on one-off occasions…

It puts them in control, and it does so at a pretty crucial time when a lot of children have meltdowns. Which would be bedtime. They choose the toy. They choose the blanket. They choose where the toy sleeps. 

They also get to feel like they’re doing something important. Not only are they caring for something, but they are doing something for somebody else that YOU usually do FOR them. That makes them feel very grown-up, capable, and confident. Wow, this feels good! they think. 

As mentioned above, bedtime is probably the biggest transition of the entire day. The Tuck-In Time helps them transition from post-dinner quiet playtime (or at least hopefully it’s quiet-ish!) to bedtime. It’s a helpful in-between step in which they learn to say goodbye, goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning. 

The Tuck In Time is Your Toddle Bedtime Battle Savior

I love Tuck-In Time because it helps us avoid power struggles and nix meltdowns, which can be really disruptive to the whole “its time to wind down” mentally that’s crucial for falling asleep. Let’s face it, an agitated child will not only battle you to get ready for bed, but it’s also going to take them forever to fall asleep.

At the same time, it’s offering them important tools for how to cope with and make the most of change and transition. They can adapt these tools as they move through life and into young adulthood and beyond. 

Finally, Tuck-In Time empowers your child. And with empowerment comes confidence, which is precisely one of the things we want to cultivate in our children.

Tuck-In Time isn't some short-term conniving "trick" or "hack." Rather, it actively nurtures, guides, and empowers your little one. And in the process, it makes you feel more self-confident and capable as a parent.

You got this, mama!! xo

Related Reads:
3 strategies to help your hyper toddler fall asleep
5 ways to keep your toddler in bed