You’re Practicing Gratitude All Wrong: Here's How to Change That
Many of us have discovered the truly insane power of gratitude to improve your life.
And it’s not just anecdotal. Research has shown that gratitude is strongly associated with greater happiness.
Gratitude is a gorgeous cycle. The more gratitude you express, the more gratitude you experience, the happier you start to feel. But gratitude doesn’t just help you experience more positive emotions, but it also helps you improve your overall health, deal with adversity better, and become more optimistic.
But did you know that you are probably holding back all the wonderful possibilities gratitude can afford you. It’s true. You’re more than likely cutting off gratitude’s potential.
That’s because you’re practicing gratitude all wrong. More specifically, you’re focusing on only one aspect of practicing gratitude and ignoring the other half.
This Is How Most of Us Practice Gratitude
Many of us practice gratitude like this:
In the morning when we wake up or at night before we go to bed, we either write down (in a gratitude journal) or recite to ourselves a few things that we are grateful for.
Awesome. But how often does one of those items relate to another person?
- I am grateful to Jenny, who supports me day in and day out at (my stressful place of) work.
- I am grateful to Clare, who always greets me with the biggest smile, even when she may not be having the best day herself.
- I am grateful to Louis, who cares so well for my baby at daycare and knows exactly what it means when her temples start to get pink.
I bet it happens with some frequency. Perhaps even daily. But how regularly do you express that gratitude toward others?
We Undervalue the Impact of Gratitude
According to a recent study published in Psychological Science, many people don’t fully appreciate or understand the effect that their expression of gratitude has on another person. And because we undervalue the positive impact of expressing our gratitude (and overestimate how uncomfortable such an expression might make someone else feel), we tend to hold back and not give thanks. It’s not because weren’t not thankful, it’s because we misunderstand the consequence of our actions.
As the study reveals though, every time we don’t express our thanks and gratitude, we miss a powerful opportunity to boost the emotions of others (and ourselves!) and to forge stronger connections.
Silent gratitude isn’t very much to anyone
Gertrude Stein
So don’t keep your gratitude to yourself!
Express Your Gratitude to Tap Into Its Full Potential
It doesn’t have to be a long, soul-baring exercise (though it could be, if you really want to open up!). It could just be a simple thank you for making me laugh or I’m grateful for your sandwich-making abilities or I’m thankful that you take a big-picture approach.
3 things to keep in mind when you express your gratitude:
1. Make the other person the center of the world.
Be sure to emphasize the YOU part. Your gratitude is, at its heart, gratitude for that person. Maybe even emphasis their name. Rebecca, wow, thank you. You really...
2. Underscore the impact of what they did.
Show them exactly why you are grateful to them! How, specifically, do their actions help you? I’m so grateful you that you can always see the silver lining, Sara. I struggle sometimes to find a positive spin on setbacks, but you're really helping me to shift my mindset.
3. Avoid the impersonal nature of digital tools.
If possible, try to avoid texting or emailing someone solely to express your gratitude.
Instead, express your thanks face-to-face or over the phone. There’s also something extremely gratifying about sending (and receiving!!) a letter or a postcard, or even leaving a sticky note.
My former work wife used to leave sticky notes on my monitor and it filled my heart with such joy. These kinds of little expressions are supremely powerful and memorable. It will stick in the memory of the recipient and bring them strength and happiness again and again.
SO, IN SUM. Let’s go all-in on gratitude and start expressing it outwardly, too. You’ll be sure to bring happiness not only to others but also to yourself as your gratitude aura expands. Take a look at my post on 110 Healthy Habits (gratitude among them!) to start to transform your life.
